Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
