she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
