Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it hurts more in the daytime
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
