cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
