woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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