How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He passed out mid-signature
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
