Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
did you just send me my own nude
How does one acquire holy water?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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