I love black thongs
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
