If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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