i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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