Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
