So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
