hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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