dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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