dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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