What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
