Betty ford says i'm here all night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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