You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You did what with his pubic hair?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
