I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
