my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize