we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is Oprah even human
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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