bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
