i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She bit a glass in half.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dicks are not precious.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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