Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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