The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
