No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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