if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
