It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh god it's open bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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