separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
