Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize