I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
