2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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