I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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