You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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