i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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