Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
