Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
