no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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