The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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