I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
