In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
