And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
