I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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