I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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