Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
