Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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