your thong is hanging out like whoa
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
