dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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