Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
