you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
