No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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