Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
