she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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