Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
