wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
