I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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