Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
