Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
