I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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