the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She needs sedatives and a leash
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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